dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize
