I can't breathe out the right side of my face
why do cheetos always look like penises
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Randomize
