Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
