Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
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