im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Randomize
