A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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