i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
