Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
