I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
