We're like a lot better than the average bears
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
