Already got asked if we're dating
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Randomize
