We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Randomize
