It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
They took my balls.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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