I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Randomize
