friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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