I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Randomize
