Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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