I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
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