You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Randomize
