It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
