Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
found the other keg... it's in the tree
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
me + whiskey = a bad person
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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