my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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