i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
