I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Randomize
