Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
