So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I'm sobbing to NWA
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Randomize
