6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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