I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
