All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Randomize
