When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
My ATM looks so different sober.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Randomize
