Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Randomize
