So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Randomize
