After last night, I could never be a politician.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
