I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Randomize
