my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Randomize
