my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
Randomize
