Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
