then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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