i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
