new low.... made out with someone while peeing
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
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