I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Randomize
