Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
