maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
