we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize
