Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
You ruined the universe
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
Randomize
