I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Randomize
