take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
