Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Randomize
