im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
