Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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