I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Randomize
