bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
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