remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
