I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
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