yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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