it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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