haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
If that was your dad, he is hot
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
