escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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